Just as the G7 leaders sit down in France to discuss global chaos, Trump completely hijacks the agenda by announcing he’s ended the war with Iran.
It took eighty years and a collective "are we sure the US is still doing this?" for history's most famous pacifist converts to decide they need to buy some very serious weapons.
If you can't legally delete a federal agency on day one, apparently you just start moving its furniture to other buildings until the office is empty.
If you thought media consolidation couldn't get any weirder, the feds just greenlit a mega-merger that unites some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Because apparently, having five companies own everything is totally fine.
Because what the world definitely needs right now is one giant, monstrous streaming app that costs $30 a month and still deletes your favorite shows for tax write-offs.
The incoming administration wants to clean up federal data by banning 'statistical noise.' But in a classic twist of government logic, trying to make the data more accurate might actually force the feds to stop releasing it altogether.
Just when we were on the verge of an actual peace deal between the US and Iran, Israel decided to drop some missiles on Beirut because of a cease-fire violation. Now everyone is screaming at each other again.
Just when we thought national holidays were about fireworks and awkward family barbecues, the president decided to turn the country's milestone anniversary into a massive personal branding exercise.
The US is about to hit its semiquincentennial, and instead of planning a massive cake, historians are basically staging an intervention.
A massive overnight bombardment hit apartment blocks and a historic sanctuary in Kyiv, but the latest shipment of US air defenses and a wave of retaliatory strikes changed the math entirely.
Because nothing says "let's unite the country" quite like trying to delete the most uncomfortable parts of its history from the woods.
So, apparently, world peace is great for your portfolio, who knew?